Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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