these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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