Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
