and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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