2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
