My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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