It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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