either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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