Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
