It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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