Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize