After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
