Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
