I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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