If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
