fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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