WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
