I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
