Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
