Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We got so high we made milksteak
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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