i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize