she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
