I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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