Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
