All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
