Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
