Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
