i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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