On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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