Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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