the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
