I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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