My hand turned me down
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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