I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
