Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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