Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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