my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cockslap morals
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
