it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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