Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
