Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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