Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
