I faked an abortion last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
