planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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