You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
