I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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