I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
