I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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