i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
