I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
