Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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