i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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