i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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