butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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