She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
