guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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