Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
