Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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