4 words: hood of his car
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
