I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
