Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
