Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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