I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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