i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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