she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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