I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten