found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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