he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
