dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?