Sry I called you an 8
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
