I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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