If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
