If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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