there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
