Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
