halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
