The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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