haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
