I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
