it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
