You're so nebulous sometimes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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