Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
